RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT CANCELLED
Well, here we are deep into month 2 of our lockdown, quarantine, enforced isolation or social distancing – whichever term makes you want to laugh or cry, less or more. And if anything is feeling the strain in our current situation it’s our relationships. Whether we think we have a lot of friends or family, a busy work schedule or just a few key people in our lives, the truth is that we actually have a very wide range of relationships. Right now, we are being forced to experience those relationships in a very different way, either spending an enormous amount of close physical time with a very small subset of people or a very small (or non-existent) amount of remote time with a large number of others.
In short, we are being forced to completely rethink how we interact with just about everybody in our lives!
So a few general observations to start.
First, remember to take a deep breath every so often and remember that this is tough. Don’t beat yourself up every time something goes a little sideways and maybe even give yourself a bit of credit when as you manage to hold it all together. There is no real playbook for this. The other day someone accused a friend of mine of hogging a Zoom call. It’s not easy, so go easy on yourself.
Second, we need to see this current situation as a potential opportunity – to reconnect, to deepen, to improve, to grow and maybe even let go of some bad relationships we have in our lives. Call that old college roommate. Or look at it the other way- has there ever been a better excuse not to see someone?
Third, try to give each of your relationships a little more thought. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a second. Really try to think about what they are feeling. What is almost guaranteed is that everyone is potentially feeling the same as you – craving connection, feeling anxious and generally unsure as to how this is all going to play out.
There are so many types of relationships we need to consider, ranging from intimate and personal to our required business interactions. All have elements that potentially call for different approaches. Some are remote and some are close up and physical. All have value and require thought and attention.
Immediate and personal
A large number of us are sharing this experience with someone we are having a personal and often intimate relationship with. Talk about make or break time!
None of us went into this sort of a relationship expecting to be spending all day and every day with that person – would we have agreed to it if we knew this was going to happen? Maybe not. So give yourself a break and start to find the new normal. Redirect your frustration into something you can work on together. Accept that you both may deal with the situation differently. Delay some hard decisions and conversations until this all blows over. Take every opportunity you can to create some space and distance between you – this was much easier before so now you have to work on it. Choose your battles and most importantly be kind to each other.
At the other end of the spectrum, if you are in a long-distance relationship, think about new ways to communicate through technology, plan some fun things for the future, dress up for virtual dates and generally show you are putting some real effort into the relationship.
Family
This is the time to lean in and lean on. Put that family dynamic to use and call on the people who love you and you love no matter what. Family can be counted on, good and bad, so this could also be a really good time to repair some breaks with family members and rebuild some fragile relationships. Sometimes if you don’t have to see people it makes it easier to interact and communicate with them. Calling often shows you care and also often provides a barrier that allows you to avoid arguments and confrontations. Reach out to family you haven’t talked to for a while and it may surprise you who responds. And don’t forget to call your parents- especially those that are living alone- it’s tough for them right now.
Friends
What would we do without them? But we have to keep our distance. So how do we stay tight? Luckily, technology is our best friend here because between Zoom, WhatsApp, FaceTime and all the others, we can keep the conversation going with as many people as we want, all the time. Through book clubs, virtual happy hours, cooking events and just going on a walk together, there are a million ways we stay friends.
Just remember the same rules apply as before – stay in touch, be kind, don’t leave people out and give the most love to those who need it most. Same old story.
Business
Make lemonade out of lemons during this time. You would be surprised how much reaching out to your clients or customers can improve business. Customers and businesses still need each other and everyone is struggling so genuine acts of assistance and service can really go a long way towards building long term relationships.
Here are some great articles on preserving our relationships during lockdown. Hang in there out there.. And please, stay healthy and safe!
https://www.cntraveler.com/story/7-couples-on-navigating-long-distance-amid-coronavirus
https://thespinoff.co.nz/society/21-03-2020/how-to-keep-your-friends-while-keeping-your-distance/
https://www.indeed.com/hire/c/info/how-to-build-customer-relationships
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