Marked by the heart-shaped balloons in every store and the seemingly endless amount of jewelry commercials, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Many people believe this is a marketing “holiday” invented by greeting card and candy companies, but this celebration’s roots go much deeper than we realize.
As a child, you may recall February 14th being St. Valentine’s Day. This day of romance started as a religious holiday named after a priest who secretly married Roman soldiers in the third century. The Emperor, Claudius II, believed married men made for weak soldiers and banned the practice. Like almost every story about the Roman empire, the Emperor found out and sentenced the priest to death. His execution happened on February 14th, and the story goes that in his farewell letter to his love, he wrote, “from your Valentine.”
Like many Christian holidays, Valentine’s Day evolved from a springtime Pagan festival of fertility involving a sacrificial goat. We’ll spare you the gory details, but women lined up in the streets to get touched by a dead goat. Google it!
So how did we go from murdering a priest and a goat to hearts, chocolate, and roses?
Fast forward a couple of hundred years to the time every spring when boys would draw hearts with a girl’s name from a box to determine their mate. The boy would then pin the heart on his sleeve for a week to show his commitment. This practice is where we get the Valentine box and the phrase, “wearing your heart on your sleeve.”
The timing of Valentine’s Day also corresponds with the beginning of the mating season in many animals. It’s a signal of fertility and rejuvenation. The first signs of spring are when the flowers begin to bloom. (If you live in the Midwest or Northeast US, it’s tough to imagine this time of year as spring, but you get the point.)
Hearts say, “I love you.”
Not exactly! Everyone knows that a heart of love bears no resemblance to a human heart. The thing beating in your chest looks more like a fist. The symbol of love looks a lot more like some other body parts.
That’s right. The heart we recognize denotes “making love,” not “being in love.” The anatomical representation of Valentine’s Day is breasts, buttocks, and sex organs. Somewhere in the history of the holiday, romance transitioned to love, but the images remain the same. Love is an overused term that often gets confused with passion.
A rose of any other name
Earlier, we said that Valentine’s Day equates to a marketing holiday. It’s true but isn’t every holiday about the almighty dollar nowadays.
Stemming from the Victorian age, the gift of flowers conveys a specific message, and since then, red roses mean romance. The commercial reason this interpretation persists today is that producing roses is cheap with a high-profit margin.
The color red is scientifically proven to be the shade of passion in humans as well as other animals. The bullfighter taunts the bull with a red cape. Your face turns red when you’re angry or embarrassed. The color indicates confidence and determination. Also, it’s no coincidence that targets are usually red. We’ll let you figure that one out!
The scent of a rose relates to feelings of happiness and hope. Sprinkle in the hue of passion and let the romance begin.
Life is like a box of chocolates
A guy named Richard Cadbury discovered the process of extracting pure cocoa butter from the beans. Before then, people only drank chocolate-flavored concoctions. Well, Mr. Cadbury needed a way to sell his new “eating chocolate,” so he decided to mold it into different shapes and put them in a box.
As Valentine’s Day approached, Cadbury designed a fancy heart-shaped box to attract male customers in the mood for love. The shape of the box was so successful that others copied it, and the rest is history. In the beginning, it wasn’t the chocolate. It was the box.
What old Dick didn’t realize at the time is that chocolate is a mood enhancer. It also contains antioxidants and helps increase blood flow. Where have you heard that before?
Are you ready?
We just laid out centuries of work done to help you get lucky on at least one day every year. Some of this day was part of a plan to help people marry and have children. Other aspects are commercial and accidental, but everything lines up in your favor on this day.
Be prepared for the occasion by getting a heart-shaped innuendo, some passion inducing flowers and mood-altering chocolate. Hopefully, you’ve been taking your Revactin, so you’re always ready whenever the moment arises.
Twice-daily, Revactin is the nutraceutical for your nether regions. It’s an investment in your intimate health that pays off every day with increased energy, vitality, and blood flow where you need it most.
Instead of sharing an over-priced box of chocolates this year, why not give Revactin a try? Whether buying for yourself or your partner, Revactin is the gift you both will appreciate for more than an evening.
If all else fails, guess it’s time to get a goat.
Order your bottle of Revactin today!
Take care, even down there.
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