Here’s To The Graduates (and Some Advice for Their Parents)

It’s the time-honored rite of passage and a memory that can last a lifetime. To graduate and leave one stage of our lives and move to the next, is an experience that gives a sense of pride and accomplishment as parents and one that our children dream about. Now we all have to be creative about how to celebrate graduations to help our children feel a sense of accomplishment and to make sure they still get to have a ton of fun.

Virtual graduations have become commonplace and numerous websites have popped up to offer suggestions and how-to’s. Creativity abounds as participants record and post TikTok challenges and other activities to express their individuality in the same way as a yearbook quote or short podium speech might. And it is not just learning institutions. YouTube is hosting its own live-streaming event with former US President Barack Obama as the commencement speaker, and multiple TV networks are hosting their own simulcast online and over-the-air programs with Obama and other guests. Facebook will have Oprah Winfrey speak at its online ceremony, along with a Miley Cyrus performance. It’s also trying to facilitate graduation parties over its new video conferencing software, Messenger Rooms.

Graduation parades in the form of car drive by have also served as a substitute for the traditional ceremony. These parades are not the graduation originally expected but the cheers and waves from people watching are at least bringing a smile to the graduates. The format allows for some creativity with balloons, confetti, costumes and color, bringing a festive atmosphere that is, most importantly, live.

According to some, there may be a silver lining in the creation of these new rituals. They say that graduations have changed over the years, becoming larger, losing some of the social intimacy they used to have, and being less centered on the students. Ironically, these new celebrations may be more student-centered. They can also teach us not to take rituals for granted. We can be creative and find different ways to commemorate our milestones.

If you have a graduate at home or have a family member who is graduating this year, here are some helpful hints we compiled to help make this momentum event more bearable for them and you.

The first thing we can do is be empathetic. As parents, we need to really understand and recognize that their feelings of loss are normal and encourage them to talk about what they are going through. Many children will go through the five stages of actual grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and, finally, acceptance. (Expect anger to take a while.) Since there is a lot going on right now in the world, some children may feel like they don’t have a right to grieve this loss but try and help them feel justified to be upset about it. It will help them move on. Try and give them the space to just feel lousy, and don’t try and fix it for them which is the natural instinct we have as parents. Since we ourselves are going through a lot, what they are going through might seem miniscule in comparison but try not to diminish their feelings. Their whole world got disrupted too.

Encourage them to connect with their peers as much as possible. They are probably already doing this non-stop, so let them. Being able to talk it through with their peers who are also going through the same thing really helps normalize their feelings (and we all know teens love to commiserate together). If they are on their phones more than normal or on what seems to be an endless Zoom call, give them the space and the time to do this- it’s part of the process of healing.

Lastly, help them create some kind of closure. When you are handed your diploma the next chapter of your life begins. The symbolism ushers children forward and helps them shut one door and open the next. Without a formal ceremony or celebrations it’s difficult for children to feel they have the closure they need to say goodbye to their high school experience. Creating virtual celebrations can really help. You can still celebrate at home with family which sometimes gets overlooked with big parties and festivities and these rituals can help students feel a sense of transition.

Our graduates are now part of history. The class of 2020 will never be forgotten and while this may not feel great to them right now, they will occupy a special place in all of our hearts and the whole world will be cheering them on from the sidelines.